Harmony

[harmony]

January 30, 2005
Well I will be the first to open a journal.
Hi.
Some of you may have read a post or two of mine.
I am a pretty busy lady so I only post it seems when things are overwhelming, or I am struggling with a health crisis or cleansing concern.
Perhaps this journal will help me to take a moment here and there to reflex on progress, as well as an oportunity for a bit of insight.
37 years old.
Divorced.
Cancer treatment survivour.
Mother of one 7 year old son.
Dog and hampster.
My mother also lives with me 80 percent of the time.
I began me soul and spiritual cleansing about two years ago. A crock of spare ribs baking in the oven. LOL. (I'll tell this story sometime later) It's a cute story. That Sunday afternoon was a major turning point for me.

Then I started to make little changes in my eatting habits. Slow and steady. Baby steps towards a healthier lifestyle.
Last year I discovered cleansing. I had only ever known the term fast in reference to religion.
Now I am healthier (knock on wood) than I have ever been at any point in my life.
Still learning so much weekly. Still discovering more about me all the time. It's a fabulous journey. Each day offers so much.
That's it for tonight.

[ivana]

Hi Harmony,

I must say that I enjoyed reading the post, hope this will encourage other people to do so. I'll start writing something as well.
Congratulations on Cancer battle. What kind of treatment was it, and in what stage did you start with it.



all the best,
ivana

[chickpea]

Hi Harmony,
Congrats on being the first to start the on-line journal forum Hope that doesn't mean you're struggling too much at the moment!
Congratulations too on being a cancer treatment survivor
Wishing you continued growth on your journey
Anne

[Invincible]

Hi Harmony!

I really love your poster name - I bet you have a really nice, soothing voice. Not sure why I'm saying that, but there's something really spiritual about you.

Sounds like you have made excellent progress. Be proud of yourself!

[harmony]

January 31, 2005


Thank you all for the encouraging responses.
Right now I am very well. No crisis's. LOL

I should adress my reference to my experiences with cancer treatments.
In no way do I include myelf in a group with those brave souls who have had to face full blown battles with cancer.
My tumours. Were a very rare form of AAPVNS. Advanceed Aggressive Pigmented Vilonodular Synovitis.
Sounds yucky and it was. The tumours were never going to matastisis to my organs. My life was not in threat from the tumours themselves, just from the side effects of treatments and complications.
This particular type starts in a joint . This is PVNS. Gernerally localized. and will destroy that joint area. At which point the patient and doctors have to decide what to do with the joint. Very crude and harsh final proceedures are implimented. Among these after all tissues and fluid are removes from the joint radioactive gold is implanted and the joint is filled with cement. Basically making it useless.
My knee was the sitet where my tumours began. 7 surgeries each getting closer to the one before in time, as the tumours grew at an increasingly aggressive rate. After each surgery came physio to teach the leg to walk again and break down scar tissues. I was fortunate to have one of the worlds only surgeons who had some knowledge and relative success dealing with this tumour and saving the joints.
When I woke from my last surgury I was told that the tumours had mutated and encased the nerves and arteries behind the knee, and up my thigh. No alternative but to treat it like a real nasty cancer at that point. With drugs and radiation or sacrafice the leg. I wanted the leg so I went with the treatment protocol.
My son was 5 month's old then, he's seven and a half now.

The experience was, that an experience.
I did my protocol in a daze of sorts. I had to do this, It was going to work end of story.
Shortly after I had an alergic realtion to a bottled milkshake and broke of in hives every where. I went to the ER for a prescrition or something. The doctor who saw me noticed the rash and hives were intense and somewhat different around my radiation site. He ordered tests,and found a blood clot that had formed. I was adnmitted and put on meds to disolve the clot.
SO... that alregic reaction to that milkshake saved me. That clot could have broken off at any moment and went to my heart or lungs and caused a stroke or worse.
oh... it's late. I'll be back. Good night all. Be well!

[alien]

I still put you in the group with those brave souls, your very brave to have gone through all of that and just see it as just an "experience", quite personally I see you as inspirational.

[harmony]

I'm back.

Life has kept me busy the last couple days. In good ways.

I met my sister in law for dinner the other night. It was very nice to step
away from our daily lives and meet up to chat. We realized that we hadn't
done that since the beginning of October. Far to long.
We were sharing details of the real in our worlds. Something you can't or
don't do over the phone. Worries over kids. Finances.
She asked, me for pictures I was to have brought with me. I told her I
didn't bring them.
These were from my last vacation with my 'fella'.

We are very close to each other. This is my ex husbands sister. She has
always been a true sister to me. Even after my divorce and all the mess
that goes with that time.

I told her that we were calling it quits, my fella and I. I summed it all
up.
She started to cry, right there at the table. God, what a heart. She
wanted this for me so much.
"But you two are a true match, he loves you so much..."
I was smiling. You know that real from your soul smile, that is all
Warmth.
I told her. "I know he loves me, and I love him. But I have no power to
give him guarantees. His fears are his. We all have limits involving risk
and reward. I want him happy."

I didn't go right down to the nity gritty with her.
In the end I thought she got it.
==========
Then last night was my swimming night.
An hour at the library for story time with my son. Then an hour in the
swimming pool. Then Sauna for me.
Oh...I am soooooooooooooo in love with the sauna!
I want to move right in. LOL!

I've been doing my rebounder after work for 10-15 minutes. I chat with my
son about school and his day. I do feel a bit silly doing it, reverting to
childhood a bit. But when I get off I'm nearly laughing, which is great!
Perfect to shed any tension or stresses from the workday and commute.

Then it's upstairs to make dinner.

I might do a liver flush Saturday night. I am to meet a friend Saturday
afternoon, so depending on how long that that goes, we'll see.

Emotionally I'm totally okay to do one. I always experience a heavy flood
of emotions following the flushes. It really does open me up to things. I
find myself reliving my thoughts, issues and conversations etc from the
past. I may try to incorporate some music and meditations this time to help
with that.


Alien : Thank you so very much for the astronomical compliment.
I have made great strides in many ways, and I am proud of
that.
I count all my blessing regularly.
I think until we each face our challenging
experiences/circumstances, we just have know Idea how strong we truly are
went we need to be.

[Invincible]

Sounds like you are making great strides harmony and doing lots in your life to keep you well.

Hopefully you can meet up with your sister in law more often. Diarise it up front! Because healing relationships are so wonderful.

Have a lovely day

[harmony]

Things are good.
I am preparing for a liver flush tomorrow.
which may or may not happen depending on my social life

I had phone call from a group I was on the waiting list to join. I've been on the list since late November, and it start's next Thrusday.
A space opened up so my son and I are in!
Yeah. this is a discussion group and healing theraphy of sorts.
Dealing with families of divorce and teaching about relationship dynamics, and good role models. Any way this is something I thought we we going to have to put off until June when the next group started. Someone dropped out so we are in.

I feel physically well. A little chubby. but we all have those days.
Normal little stresses of day to day life. No major issues.

This is the third day though that I've felt a bit off. As though something wasn't quit right with my world. Something was coming.
A bit of intuition perhaps.
I have no direct reason or direction to look for something out of wack, but that's what I feel.

Now I've never been one to look for troubles, and I'm not sure that's what this is. I just have a sense of something is about to change.

I've also never been one to study or follow premenisions, or the like. So I really don't know what this is.
I do know that last month on the day 'my fella' revealed he was taking a path away from me. Serveral hours before I heard from him I had the most overwhelming sense of loneliness/abandonment wash over me.
It was so intense I even jotted down the date and time and the word push on my message pad here at work. I had no idea where this feeling or word was coming from.
I Logged into curezone a the time and Librastars forum was up. I went in and posted a question to her. First time ever. I asked something like Have I been abandoned?
Later I had my chat and connected the two events up. I think that momment I felt was the momment he made his choice.

ANY HOO...
I'm telling that because this sensation I am having presently is similar to the way I felt after the inital overwhelming sensation washed over me.
That something was off.
something was changing.
Hmmm, thought I'd share this now.

We'll see....


kind of spooky huh?

[harmony]

Nothing happening really.
No major developments.
sooooooo
[color=blue]not so spooky after all. [/color] LOL

I'm blaming my something is off feeling on diet. I have to do some major reading on my dosha and diet. I've got several books right now from the library and will read away and make notes as to what I should be doing more of and less of food wise.

I'm doing my liver flush tonight.
It's beautiful weather up here for a change. So I'm going for a nice long walk with my silly dog.
A nice parafin dip for the hands and feet. A facial. Some soothing music. Explore the internet a bit and do some reading.
Have a great night!

[alien]

Good luck with your liver flush, I am anticipating your feedback as I am yet to do one (and a bit scared).

[harmony]

The flush went well. Not a ton of stones, but some nice little pea size green ones and bunch of chaff. Out out out.

Alien, Thank you so much for the good wishes. This is my 9th or tenth flush. I lost count at one point. It was my easiest yet I think. It is physically exhausting. (waking up bone tired- kind of like being hit by a tough flu). I work now at re hydrating and cleaning out all the wastes. A little emergen C Excellent boast. Some fresh air. Lots of liquids and an enema to wash up and hangers about.


I had a great walk today. The weather is still nice and mild. Lots of melting snow.

I have decided definitely that I will fast through lent this year.
Ash Wednesday is this week. For some reason I though it was next week, and I still had time to contemplate my commitment to fast through lent.

I know I am mentally capable of fasting for that long. I did my 43 days last year.
I think my body is strong enough to see me through the 40 days on lent.

At mass today the priest spoke of using fasting as sacrifice and spiritual enlightenment.
Hold the phone... Is that not what I have been working towards.
So here we go.
Wednesday I will be fasting and readings and meditating etc all towards positive growth and opening up to the possibilities ahead and here now.

Blessings to all!

[Invincible]

Hi harmony

You've picked a perfect day to start a fast! Because Wednesday is the new moon, which helps with starting projects and keeps us on track. I'm sure you'll do great.

I'm on day 3 of Shelley's Vital Cleanse fast. Getting hungry now but I'm going to see it out.

[harmony]

Tomorrow is the first day of my spiritual fast.
I wasn’t planning another long fast, but this seems right.
The time seems right.

I am excited about it. I’ve been gathering together reading materials and organizing my home.
spiritual awareness
meditation and prayer.

This is the only place that will be aware of my fast. This is for me. It is private and for cleansing. I am hoping to achieve a spiritual cleansing and strengthening.


I will carry on my work life and home life. But will open up time for reading and more meditation.
I want to deal with a few issues of character and the emotions that bind me to them.

I have made great strides towards healing and evolving into my true me, but there is much work left to be done and this is the next step on my path.

This is going to be good!

[harmony]

Well today is day one of fast/cleanse.
I have a bothersome pain in the head behind me left eye and sinus cavity.

Oh the joys of detox.
10 minutes on the rebounder. Done.
swimming and sauna shortly Love that sauna!

It is Ash Wednesday today. First day of Lent. I wasn't able to attend services today but I will stop at the church after my swim time tonight.
It hardly seems right to start a spiritual fast and miss a holy day service.
I'll read later.

Peace, and blessings to all!