Broke up with my boyfriend- am very depressed

[Boldyloxx]

Hi Shelly and everyone,

I broke up with my boyfriend due to a troubled conscience I've been going through for 2 years dating him. We had a very sexual relationship- though we were like soulmates emotionally as well.

Please keep me -and especially my broken up boyfriend in your prayers.

He is still married with his wife --- in a very bad marriage. She is having an affair as well. His life is a miserable existance with her-- He does all the housework, cleaning, cooking, shopping laundery- and they sleep in differnt beds (her choice before we met)

I had to break things off- because I am getting more and more convicted of how wrong it is for me to be sneaking behind his family and my families back- i wish we could date out in the open- we couldnt do anything together except hide in the woods from everyone-- and every car that would drive by that looked like someone we knew- would get us all paranoid. I reallize now that isnt the way to a healthy relationship.

He is really hurt and heartbroken right now and needs prayers. I do love him, but i can t live dishonestly anymore. I need to be at peace with myself-- Here i am doing all these cleanses and trying to take care of my body- but my soul was in torment by this relationship-- i was neglecting that part of me.


thanks for listening

[harmony]

You have my prayers.

From what you have posted it sounds like you are thinking clearly, and considering you emotional health.
(((hugs)))

[Invincible]

Boldyloxx

Sorry to hear you're feeling depressed.

I was wondering why your boyfriend didn't leave his wife and be out with you instead. Sounds like his marriage is over anyway.

[h0ppy]

I'm so sorry you had to do that Boldyloxx.

If he knows that she's having an affair, maybe it's fair to her to let her know about you. I'm not sure if this will make things better, but maybe it'll make them realize that they need to fix things, or move on. By the way, are there children involved?

Best wishes

[Robbie]

I have watched one of my best friend's marriages break up. The husband had told his girlfriend that they no longer slept together. Which was an out and out lie. Told her that he did everything around the house. Another lie. That she was having an affair also. Yep you guessed it another lie. I just don't see how you could remotely have any respect for yourself much less for him if he is willing to do this to his wife what makes you think that he wasn't doing the same thing to you?

I feel for your pain. I also think that you are a grown woman and know better than to play with fire so I think you made a wise decision on breaking it up. If he ever did leave his wife (not likely) what would you ever think of hooking up with him on a permenant basis? He's already been a dog. Why would you think that he would treat you any differently? I know you said that you are "soul mates" but you know right now I'm not buyin that at all.

I honestly, feel for your pain because it is horrible to be in love with someone who isn't available. Find yourself a wonderful SINGLE man and find happiness. I speak from some experience the fact that you had an awesome physical relationship was because of the "nautiness" of it all. Adds to the excitement. Of course you had a very physical relationship, you couldn't have anything else. He probably couldn't take you out to dinner with his friends, spend holidays with you or even call you when he really wanted to. It's much better that you are done with him.

Prayers to you on your recovery. He'll be fine.

[Boldyloxx]

thanks everyone for your replies


I hear all of you- and I am not proud of myself for getting into a relationship like this- something I always bragged i'd never do. So it shows you there are things you really dont know about yourself til after you fall.

ITs to the point now that after I broke off with him- I have no desire to date ANYONE now- and just want to have time to myself to mature as a person.

He really did fall for me and he cant let go-- after I broke it off. He was the one always calling me, and trying to be available for me- but I was not comfortable having to be there for him behind everyoen's backs.

He also has two kids that didnt know about me- I know for a fact that his wife and him have nothing to do with each other- because I knew his friends before I dated him. They always thought he should have divorced her along time ago.

I dont think i'ts fair that he doesnt respect my feelings of conviction that this is just a WRONG set up . He is still contacting me- trying to pour his heart out that I broke his heart and took his life from him because he has NOONE now . He cant divorce his wife til about 3 more years because she will rake him over the coals with child support-- taking advantage of the situation. He said she knows he knows that -so she has him by the apron strings. Knowing this, she tries to take advantage and order him to do this and that, etc.. like her personal cook, housekeeper, shopper, etc.

His friends alway said he was just crazy for staying in such a situation, but he'd always say (even before i dated him) that he only had so many years and he was getting out.-- waiting for the kids.

So I know he isnt full of it-

I am no longer depressed that I broke it off because I now feel at peace that I did what was the Right thing - I cant even imagine how his kids would feel when they would find out eventually. How could they ever really like me when it would come out in the open later.

I told him i would be there for him, but not in the way he wants. I cant stand living a double-life. I put up with it for 3 1/2 years- but I gotta stop all hypocrisy.

[Boldyloxx]

P.S.

But what I am most concerned about now his His coping with this- He is in despair. Please pray for him. I feel responsible that I wounded him because If i had used my head in the beginning, we'd just be friends from the start- and he'd be happy right now.

I want him to see that life can be happy again. Please keep him in your prayers. thanks

[harmony]

I will pray for him too,

In my opinion you have to let go of the responsibility for his feelings. He is an adult. He chose marriage, he is choosing to stay in the marriage, he chose an affair. etc

You could suggest he seek counseling and that way it frees you from staying tied to him for support.

I wish you both well with healing.

[Boldyloxx]

thanks so much harmony!-- and everyone else too for your replies and support.

yes, I think you hit the nail on the head also, harmony. he is an adult- and made these choices as well.

I will suggest a counslor -- but right now im trying to keep my self seperate from him-- including not even talking with him on instant messengar - because I was allowing him this to make the break up easy for him. Unfortunately, he took that as meaning that he still has a chance to win me back. So -even though it is painful for us and he thinks I have changed to this very cold unfeeling person, this is for his own good so he can move on with his life.

Thanks so much for your post

[ivana]

How are things going Boldyloxx? How are you feeling?

I'll keep you in my prayers.
All the best,
ivana